


Under this dark blanket of stars

by Nexys



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, episode VII-VIII, introspective kylo ren, sad kylo, spoiler - Freeform, what about reylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nexys/pseuds/Nexys
Summary: Loneliness is the only companion left to Kylo Ren, Knight of Ren, bearer of death, of the First Order. Trained in the Dark Side of the Force, however, he is not immune to his own humanity, the same one he thought he had denied by choosing a path paved with suffering and dark power. When nobody can see and hear him, in the belief that nobody cares, his wounds burn. Most of all, burn what young Rey dared to leave on his face, with the sword that belonged to the great Anakin Skywalker. Kylo Ren!centric, with slight Reylo hints.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Under this dark blanket of stars

_How did she dare?_  
There were many questions that stubbornly stood in his mind, but this one more than all the others.  
During the first clash in which he had been able to test the strength of that useless scrap-seeker, Kylo Ren had suffered a heavy defeat, bringing a real war wound on his face. Although the deepest and most difficult scar to heal was in his pride as a First Order warrior, the one he wore on his face was more than marked and most likely would never heal completely. As if the damage had not been enough, Rey had wounded him with the sword that had belonged to his uncle and even earlier to his grandfather, the illustrious Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker.

Time flowed without brakes, relentless, while the man lay seated on a plateau, placed on an anonymous planet placed in the immeasurable vastness of space, alone. Being a Knight of Ren, as well as a discreet identity within the First Order, allowed him to carve out moments of solitude in which to give free rein to all his anger. On that semi-desolate land night had come, and he had sat with his TIE spacecraft behind him, and the helmet next to him, watching the starry sky.  
From time to time he touched the injured skin with the tips of his fingers free from thick gloves, feeling the edges of the wound, the skin burned by the laser beam of the Kyber crystal of that important sword.  
It was hard to stop thinking about how the girl really stepped forward to kill him. She had drawn on the Force, refusing to have him, Kylo Ren, as Master, slamming all her tenacity in her face. _Powerful, very powerful in the Force._ At the mere thought, the young son of Han Solo and Leia Organa felt anger rise inside him like an unstoppable violent tide. A scraper of the lowest rank had dared to challenge and defeat him on the field with his own weapons and a burning determination, which had reminded him so much of his own when he had been little more than an enthusiastic teenage boy in full ascent in the Force.  
What troubled him most, however, was his interest in her. He felt he hated her almost as if he had been jealous of her - the one who had managed to stay close to the father who had denied - and her power. As if all this hadn't been enough, that nameless Rey was surprisingly charming; on the other hand, from his point of view as a young man, to call her only "beautiful" would have been an understatement.  
He wasn't even sure he was objective, not after being crushed by the same light that he had chosen to deny, when the light itself had done the same with him, even before he could be able to make a real decision. He wasn't even sure that he had chosen, that he had decided.  
_Damn_.

With dark eyes on the silent stars, Kylo Ren sighed through gritted teeth. Outside his military environment, at the head of the top ranks of the First Order, he felt surprisingly alone. If on the one hand he had chosen to be, on the other he was not sure he had decided everything on his own. And with him, Rey herself on the other side of the Galaxy, had started to convince herself equally.  
His black helmet shone with a gloomy light, under that thick blanket of bright stars. It was only a pale attempt to imitate the imposing figure of Vader, his grandfather, but for him it was a source of pride and security. When he wore it, Ben Solo ceased to exist and his weight seemed to be a little lighter, no matter how much Ren tried to call him "dead".  
Trapped in his twisted chain of thoughts, he felt the wound on his face burn. His whole body was like a woven canvas full of patches, scars due to his experience in the field, in war. Each furrow dug into his skin was one more step towards perdition, and although in front of anyone's eyes he might have seemed gloriously proud, intimately he was not at all. Feeling so divided between who had been and who wanted to become - and be - made him feel a weak man, a victim of his mind and his annoying feelings. Just in those moments of particular emotion, his mind wandered over the figure of Rey. That Rey who wielded her life like a sword and that was putting herself on the line to defeat the First Order, and try to kill him. Loneliness, abandonment and fear had not been strong enough emotions to annihilate her. In his heart he had perceived housing an unheard of, abnormal and unusual courage. How could she be so extraordinarily alive after a short life of disappointment, pain and hardship?  
There was no answer that satisfied him. Simply, young Rey was omnipresent in his mind to remind him that light could be stronger than darkness.

_Was it?_  
_Would it have been?_  
_And for him?_

_Kylo Ren shook his head, devastated by the sense of loneliness that gripped his chest. The wound burned, as did his human heart. Ben's specter claimed his life under that black armor, and his new identity could not understand how he could still be alive. He wanted to run into Rey's warm light, and walk alongside her on the Jedi path.  
Find peace.  
Just breathe._

_"Where are you?  
And I'm so sorry,   
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight.   
I need somebody and always,   
This sick strange darkness,   
Comes creeping on so haunting every time"   
_(I miss you, Blink 182)


End file.
